Bridge Over Trebled Slaughter

SPOILER WARNING: Left 4 Dead 2 spoilers ahead. Proceed at your own risk.

In the aftermath of the release of Left 4 Dead 2, there was a lot of complaint-laden chatter on the interwebs. "It's too soon!" "It's too expensive!" It's too HARD! Even easy is too HARD!"

Let me tell you a story.

There are a bunch of achievements to get in L4D2. Some are easy (survive a campaign, 200 lifetime melee kills), some are hard (survive all campaigns on expert, kill a tank with only melee weapons). One of these achievements is called "Bridge Over Troubled Slaughter" - cross the bridge in the Parish finale in under 3 minutes.

This is no ordinary bridge. This is a highway suspension bridge spanning the Mississippi River, covered in abandoned vehicles. Oh, and ZOMBIES. Lots of zombies. It's a long bridge, and basically the finale of the entire game.

DISCLAIMER: I am not very good at first-person shooters. L4D2 is a first-person shooter.

Anyway, this past Tuesday Night Shooting Club, myself and a friend make the call. We're doing this 3 minute run. 2 humans, 2 computer AI.

3 attempts later, -clink-, Achievement Unlocked!

Now, this was on easy difficulty, and the only way to make it across the bridge in time was to kill the pokey, cautious AI as soon as the level started. So, 2 players (one of whom is not very good), on easy, on the Xbox 360 version, with no AI assistance. 3 tries. 3 minutes.

Conclusion? If you're crying that L4D2 is "too hard", quit crying. Man up, try again, and learn 2 shoot, noob. Because, quite simply, you're just plain wrong.

Postscript: anyone waiting on the GenCon wrap-up blog should pin their hopes on next August. I even took notes last year, but far too much time has passed.

The ol' double-standard

Here's the thing.

The co-worker that wrote "GEEKFEST" on the calendar over GenCon in a deliberate act of mockery? Turns out he's off on a 4 day weekend. Driving to Iowa. To participate in a fantasy football draft.

Look. At this point, the difference between his creation of an imaginary team of sportsters and me rolling dice to kill a dragon on a tabletop is negligible.

Hi, pot? This is the kettle. You're black.

(FYI: Epic GenCon wrapup blog is coming. Soonish.)

What a Horrible Night to Have a Curse

So.

I had good intentions. I was going to talk about houses. Or maybe clothesline-stealing squirrels. But I'm really trying to put forth some positive effort re: home ownership, so I have nothing to say on that at the moment.

So.

Let me tell you about Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia. Why I bought it. Why I played it. Why I'll never play it again.

Don't get me wrong. I love me some Castlevania. Symphony of the Night is my favorite game of all time. Despite never finishing many of the early games, I own all 3 original NES games, GBA games, and all 3 DS games. The games have gotten easier over the years. Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia "fixes" that.

Trust me when I say the game is gorgeous. Beautiful, even. Great music. Evocative enemies. But it's hard. How hard? SO HARD. I bought it last fall, set it aside after a few weeks (yes, that's right, weeks) and just picked it up again this week after some malaise with my stand-by DS titles.

I play DS at work (lunches and breaks, represent!), so lately it's been crosswords and turn-based strategy. Seeking something different, I turned to my DS pile of shame (more in the future) and remembered never finishing C:OoE.

I'm finished now.

I have been on the same boss for 2 solid days. That's approximately 2 1/2 hours of the Same. Boss. Fight. I have searched FAQs online. I have tried any number of options. I even have the pattern mostly figured out. But it's just too freakin' hard.

Why, my character has 548 hit points. That sounds like a lot. It might as well be the 3 hearts of 1986 NES games, because I'm dead within 3 hits. Seriously. Screw up on the pattern once, and you're toast.

I'm too old for this. I don't have the patience for this anymore. The internal game clock has me logged at 8 hours, 56 minutes. In real life? Double it. Easily. 3 days spent on the 2nd boss, but I wasn't ready to quit that early on. 70% unlocked at this point. That's enough.

Back to the shelf. The pile of shame. It will sit there and mock me as an example of my gaming failures. But y'know what? That's OK. The frustration saved by not playing - and the money saved by not throwing my DS against a wall - that'll do. Because I'm a homeowner now, and I can't afford to replace that DS until we get a dining room table.

Off the Grid

Heads up to all of you out there in internet-land: We're going offline for a few days. I know, with this schedule of postings, how could you tell?

Here's the thing: cable switches from the apartment to the house today. Most of our furniture won't be joining the cable until this weekend. That means:

1) No internet

2) No Twitter

3) No Xbox Live

4) No Netflix Instant Queue

Basically, I don't know what I'm going to do for entertainment. There just might be a breakdown and shuffling of CPU's to the house. Just don't expect to see anything until this weekend.

There's a zombie on your lawn

Catchy tunes + adorable undead = I need to play this game.



UPDATE: Downloaded the demo. Won't start because we own a Power PC Mac, not an Intel Mac. Boo!

Sentience

The apartment has become self-aware, and it hates us.

Is it jealousy? It must be, because ever since we signed the paperwork for the mortgage application (re: that house you might have heard about), things at the apartment haven't been quite right.

1) Toilet tank is no longer filling.

2) Drains are running slow or getting air bubbles back-flowing from neighborly garbage disposal use.

3) Medicine cabinet lost its latch - the stickum just up and quit.

4) Light switch no longer works. It's not a case of bulb burnout. It's a physical disturbance that won't let us lift the switch into the on position. Something behind the walls is angry...

Hopefully, we can get out of here before it learns how to turn on the oven or figures out where we keep the knives.

Say it ain't so, Lorne

Back to Pylea.

Caritas.