Why I'm not in Marketing: A Play in One Act

(Based on actual events)

Scene: A man and a woman are sitting on a couch. A half empty bottle of wine rests on the table between them. The television is on. An ad for Lipitor is airing.

Man: Lipitor?!? Look at that smarmy jerk, Dr. Robert Jarvik. Naming his artificial heart the Jarvik artificial heart. What a jerk.

Woman: You wouldn't name an invention after yourself?

Man: Nope. Jerk.

Woman: Fine. If you had invented it, what would you have named the artificial heart.

Man: (immediately) Megaheart.

Woman: (deadpan) Try harder.

Man: (immediately, again) Ultraheart.

Woman: I'm done with this conversation.

-FIN-